Yes, I’m on Weight Watchers* again. And maybe this time, it’ll work.
So I’ve been trying to be more mindful of my mental and physical health: I started working with a health coach. I make appointments with the trainer at my gym (which is a start, even if I end up cancelling at the last minute -because SOMETHING always comes up).
“We both really need to get out of the house more,” my sister tells me. We are both haunted by the example of our parents, whose worlds became smaller and smaller as they aged. It’s too bad Linda and I live 350 miles away from each other, because she’s the easiest person to hang out with.
And I finally bit the bullet and found a primary care physician near my house. This is something I’ve been meaning to do for the last four years (since I recovered from my hysterectomy, which means it has been that long since I’ve had a checkup).
I don’t like doctors. My late mother was something of a hypochondriac, and I went the other way. My philosophy is that if you never see a doctor, they’ll never find anything wrong with you.
Of course, that doctrine is dumb when you get to be my age. So I made an appointment and managed not to cancel it.
The Dreaded Scale and Other Medical Indignities
Prior to arriving at the clinic, I filled out a whole bunch of questionnaires. There was a freeform space where I could tell them anything I wanted. I told them I did not want to be lectured about my weight, that I’m aware it’s unhealthy, and I’m trying to get it under control.
Doctors never read that stuff.
The first thing that always happens at a medical office is they make you get on a scale. Some office staff are understanding when I tell them I DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE NUMBER (it’s always worse than my scale at home because at home I weigh myself first thing in the morning, before I’ve eaten. And at the doctor’s office, I’m wearing clothes -which we all know puts on an extra five pounds).
The second thing they do is take your blood pressure. Mine isn’t all that bad, but it could be better. I tell them it will improve after I lose the weight I don’t want to talk about.
I liked the doctor. She’s about my age and easy to talk to – even though she ignored what I wrote on the form and proceeded to point out my less-than-wonderful BMI.
“You should try Weight Watchers,” she says.
I’m on Weight Watchers, I tell her. I’ve been doing the digital WW program for three years. I initially lost 30 pounds, but then strayed from the program. I keep trying to get back on track, but my heart isn’t in it. Plus, it’s just impossible after Thanksgiving…
“You should go to meetings,” she says. It turns out, she’s a Lifetime member. “You’ll be more successful. If you find the right meeting.”
I’ve done the meetings before. My first time on the program, I was 18 and 130 pounds (which is my goal weight now) and my mom (who was a size 0) convinced me to try it. That was my first experience with weighing every little thing I ate and writing it all down, and I hated it.
But I especially hated sitting through the meetings: getting weighed in, listening to the leader give the weekly lecture, and trying to get us all to connect with one another. I was 18 years old. I didn’t want to connect with all those middle-aged fat women.
And Weight Watchers was slooow. It took me months to lose just five pounds. I eventually quit and lost weight on my own. And for the most part, I kept it under control for my 20’s and into my 30’s.
Middle Age Blues
And then came the inevitable metabolic slowdown, which wasn’t helped by having a baby one month before my 40th birthday. I’ve been yo-yo’ing every since. And so when I re-joined Weight Watchers, I actually was one of those middle-aged women. And I still hated it.
“We’re not joiners,” Linda reminded me. She’s right. I don’t know if that’s just our nature or the way we were raised, but our parents didn’t belong to any organizations, and I’ve never been comfortable with them, either.
And yet: The digital-only WW plan has not been working for me for a long time now, and it’s kind of crazy to keep trying something with no results. Also, it would be nice to be able to tell that doctor I gave it a try (even if I still get no results).
The marketing department at WW seemed to be reading my mind. Last week, they sent an email touting holiday “open houses,” where you could come in and just see how the meetings work these days. So on Monday, I drove out to one of these and gave it a try.
You still have to weigh in. You still have to listen to a leader give a lecture. You still have to track everything you eat, but there’s an app for that now (which I already had on my phone) and there’s a lot less weighing.
And you’re still encouraged to connect with the rest of the group, but now I feel like I have something in common with them. And it’s kind of nice to be among people who understand that the struggle is real.
Especially in December. If I can make it through the next three weeks without gaining weight, I’ll feel like it’s a success.
*Disclosure: Link to the Weight Watchers program is a referral link. If someone clicks on it and signs up for the program and sticks with it, I will get a free month tacked on to my program.