Found this old draft from 2014 that never went up. It was interesting for me to read, like therapy. I’ll post an update next:

It’s interesting that I felt that last week was overall, a bad week. My husband thought it was a great week. And we were talking about the same events.

Back story I had a home-based business for 20 years and sold it last year on July 26th and never looked back. Paid someone to help me write a resume, sent it to one company advertising on Craigslist, got the job, and was an employee again starting on September 30th. I lacked confidence, was underpaid, and punched a digital time clock. I earned less than I did 20 years before and the last time I punched a real time clock was 34 years ago. When did punchclocks become virtual?

When I started the job hunt, I had no idea where I was going to end up, but there were some real strong qualities that I was looking for in my future employer for my next chapter. I knew I wanted to be busy and around people. My business had kept me alone all day except when kids were home and I was lonely. I craved collaboration. I wanted to get out of the house.

It was fun to build my business, but I had gotten quite bored and complacent the last four or five years. To be honest, I was depressed and knew a change was needed. When my business partner was forced to sell because of a divorce, I knew it was time for me to also leave. Coincidentally, my youngest was also going away to college and I always had talked about maybe getting out of the business at this time. I asked my ex-partner a couple of weeks ago if she missed it. She said no and also that she never looked back. I think that “never looked back” phrase is so perfect because it really describes someone when a right decision is made.

For various reasons, I wasn’t always warm and fuzzy about my new job, but I knew it had too many of the elements I was craving. On paper it was exactly what I would have described: 50 employees, very busy, nice people, fun product, casual dress, and a real entrepreneurial feel about the place. But I had a hard time sitting at a desk all day, looking at two monitors, and punching the clock. The low pay wasn’t really a problem. That is, until the annual review came up.

They review everyone once a year. I had been employed for six months and knew they were happy with me. While I was frustrated in what felt like a clerical position, I was feeling safe there and it was healing in a way. I wasn’t ready to go on another job hunt. I decided that instead of another employer, when I left this place it would be to work for myself again. Investing in myself was the best investment I ever made so why work for someone else if this didn’t work out?

The review was very positive, but the raise was 71 cents an hour. I was pretty surprised. So much so, that I had to apologize to my boss for my reaction that easily could have been taken as rude and ungrateful when he told me (I laughed and asked if he was kidding). I learned this was not the place I would be employed at for an extended period.

At the same time, the company that purchased my old business ended up offering me a job making the same amount of money, only it would be part-time. They said I could work wherever and whenever I wanted. It would be doing pretty much the same thing I did for the business when I owned it, but I wouldn’t be doing any customer service or answering phones (or the financial responsibility that comes with owning a business). Around the same time, my current company also told me they wanted to move me up sometime in the next few months. Then things became urgent with my old business and I had to make a decision. I went in and told my supervisor that I was considering a job offer and the same day I was offered a promotion to supervise my department (and respectable raise to go with it) effective immediately.

What should I do?

To my shock and horror, my husband thought it was great because I had two companies who wanted me to work for them, both with good, but different, offers. I found it to be disturbing and stressful. Big time. Xanax worthy. What if I made the wrong decision? What would really make me happy? Yada, blah, blah, yada. Choices aren’t always good, even though we often wish for them.

I made my decision today. What would you have done?